Fall
by katherynbeckett
Summary: An idea I simply couldn't get out of my mind. Post 6x16 standalone, one of my solutions to the Pike problem.
1. Sacrifice

**Disclaimer: If I owned The Mentalist we would not be having this season 7 problem.**

**A/N: Whoop so I haven't written fanfic properly in god knows how long, but I got 1000+ words into this during history lecture on Wednesday and I decided to ride with it. The Pisbon bit at the start was hard to write but necessary, please bare with it. Also: as you read this you might come to wonder "who is Gates?" and the answer is I don't have a clue man but I needed him to propel the story forward for obvious reasons so he's there.**

* * *

"You didn't," Lisbon was saying in genuine, if not rather polite, amusement.

Marcus grinned, "No no, really!" He replied. He was telling her the messy story of his first arrest. Certainly a memorable moment, when you leaped off a small bridge onto a moving motorboat and tackled the suspect into the water. Of course, compared to the hoops Jane and the old team had gone through Pike's story was little more than tame. She supposed that's what she liked about him most; he was easy. "So," he was saying, "I showed you mine, you show me yours. What was your first arrest like?"

"Oh, I don't know that you really want to hear that story."

"Come on, tell me!"

She didn't really feel like opening up to him, even about something like that, and fortunately she didn't have to as her phone started ringing conveniently. Marcus made a face, and she shrugged teasingly.

"Lisbon," She answered her phone lazily, still smiling.

"Lisbon, it's me," Jane.

"I'm at lunch, Jane," She replied, maybe more out of spite than she intended but no one seemed to notice.

"I, uh, I found Gates' hideout."

Lisbon immediately became focused and unamused, "You what?"

"I found Gates' hideout," He replied simply.

"Do you have backup?" Marcus shot her a questioning look but she ignored it and stood up.

"No, but I don't think he's here."

"You don't think-" She shook her head and gave up, "Where are you?"

"Well, 1162 Pleasant Ave.."

Lisbon gathered her things and continued ignoring Marcus, "I'm coming over there." She tossed some money on the table for her food.

"I don't want to interrupt your lunch," he sounded vaguely upset but she ignored that too.

"Just stay where you are, don't get in any trouble. I'll be-" There was a noise in the background on Jane's side. "What was that?"

"Uh-" He started.

There was rough voice in the background, "Who the hell are you?"

"I was just leaving," Jane replied, but Lisbon could hear the nervousness in his voice.

"Who are you talking to? Put the phone down." The voice demanded. Jane must have obeyed because the line went dead.

Lisbon stood stunned for a second, and then looked over at Marcus who had now stood up as well and was looking at her curiously, "We have to go," she told him, "Jane's in trouble."

* * *

They made the drive to 1162 Pleasant Ave. in relative silence. Marcus tried to talk to her a few times but she shot him down. They had called for dispatch immediately but the drive was significantly shorter from where they were; only a couple minutes. It was a dreary looking block building and Lisbon was fairly surprised Jane had gone in alone, but she didn't linger on that for too long. She started towards the entrance.

"Wait, shouldn't we wait for backup?" Marcus looked concerned.

"You can," she responded sharply. He frowned but followed her inside, where they both instinctively fell silent. They had entered into a dimly lit hallway, with a staircase leading off immediately to the left and a few doors on the right.

She signaled for Marcus to go check those and he nodded, then she took a deep breath and descended the stairs. They were concrete, fortunately, so they didn't make a sound. It got cooler and darker and danker with every step and she wondered why anyone would ever want to come down here. Finally she reached the bottom and shined her flashlight around the small, concrete hallway. It felt like a dungeon, she wanted to run right back up the stairs and out into the open but instead she tested the door closest to her. It swung open to a small, empty room, illuminated by small smudgy windows lining the room at the top of the wall.

But the first thing her eyes really fell on was Jane, standing right in the middle. She relaxed when she saw him and took a step instead, but he looked alarmed. Before she could think to look around there was a strong impact to the back of her head, knocking her gun out of her hands and throwing her forward onto her stomach. Her head buzzed and she almost blacked out.

_Dammit,_ she thought, _dammit dammit dammit_. Her hands roved frantically across the floor for her gun but lights were still bursting at the edge of her vision. There was a swift kick to her abdomen and she collapsed again, but before she knew it rough hands where lifting her up, up, up by her neck, until her feet were off the ground and she was struggling to breath.

She had nearly lost consciousness again before the man, Gates she supposed, finally let her go. Her head whirled so intensely for a moment that she wasn't sure if she was standing or lying down. Then the concrete under her palms told her she was lying. Through the sound of her blood pounding in her head, she heard Jane call out to her and she opened her eyes (which she hadn't known were shut). He was knelt with his eyes downcast, in front of Gates who was holding a gun at him and turned slightly away from her. With a final jolt of anger and fear Lisbon pushed herself to her feat and stumbled forward. Her hands felt numb and lights burst in her eyes again; there was a loud noise, and then suddenly, everything felt frozen. She was standing in front of Jane, who was looking up at her in horror, with her hands on his shoulders. Then she became aware of a shattering pain spreading out from her lower back and she crumpled forward, barely able to breath.

There was a second gunshot that she would only later know was Pike shooting Gates, and then Jane yelling at him to get an ambulance. Oddly enough, Lisbon's head felt clear finally; she could feel Jane's hand on her back over the bullet wound that was sending pain straight through her. He was holding her upright, still on their knees, and whispering just above his breath.

"You're okay," He murmured, holding her more tightly. She wanted to lift her arms around him but she couldn't, "You're gonna be okay." He brushed her hair out of her face and cupped his hand around her jaw and neck, "Look at me, Lisbon. Don't you dare leave me."

She wanted to reassure him but then she wasn't so sure she could. _Was _she dying? All she could think was there wasn't enough time. There wasn't enough time and she needed to apologize. "I'm sorry," She choked. Jane looked even more mortified than before, and they locked big, scared, teary eyes for a second.

"You're going to be okay," he insisted once more, but she almost thought she heard his voice crack. The edge of her vision was starting to get dark and tears stung the corners of her eyes.

"Jane," She tucked her head against his chest. All she felt was frustrated. Frustrated that she couldn't fight off the unconsciousness invading her brain, frustrated she might not have the time to say everything she wanted to say. "I love you," She murmured. Jane held her tighter. She vaguely thought she heard the sound of sirens before everything faded away.

* * *

**A/N: Ahhh so, I haven't written in a really long time but I just had to crank this one out. It'll probably be around 4 chapters? Who knows, but I gotta stick with a short-ish story or I might not finish properly. This is also a short chapter, but my attention is not a main virtue of mine so keeping it short helps me organize things. Why I called it "Fall" I also don't know but it seemed the thing to do. Please let me know what you think!**


	2. Fade

**Disclaimer: Nope.**

**A/N: Be warned: this is like 95% Jane pity party. I don't think there's much else to say.**

* * *

"Lisbon?" Jane felted her go limp. She didn't respond, "Lisbon?!" He repeated frantically, "_Lisbon_!" She remained still and silent and he clung to her for dear life, burying his face into her neck and staring blanking down her back at his hand that was pressed against the bullet wound, "Please."

Pike spoke for the first time since he had called 911, "They're almost here," Jane was surprised that he was standing so close; he hadn't noticed him come over. He also hadn't noticed, but Pike was right: the sirens were blaring closer and closer. But he didn't lift his head. He didn't want to see Pike, look at him, be around him ever again. Not if... well, not in any case. He forced the thought that Lisbon was already gone out of his mind. And yet he couldn't bring himself to check for a pulse either, so he just remained in limbo, holding her and knowing full well, as much as he tried to deny it, that it could be the last time.

The sirens were blaring right outside now, and within seconds, people had burst into the room. Pike explained to them what was happening and before Jane knew it, he had been wrenched away from the woman in his arms. Or perhaps just pulled, or perhaps he had fallen away of his own accord. He felt limp and suspended as he watched the EMTs take her and lift her onto a stretcher.

A stretcher. His heart leap, that was good. She wasn't gone. He followed them as they rushed her out of the building and all the way to the ambulance. There he was stopped by one of the EMTs, a rough looking young blonde woman.

"Who are you?"

"I'm-" He stared at her blankly. His mind was racing around so fast he could barely hold onto a single thought, "I'm Patrick Jane. I'm Agent Lisbon's partner." His voice sounded detached, somehow calmer than he ever thought it could have been, and deflated. Drained.

The woman looked at him expectantly, "Your badge?" She said finally. Jane scrambled to show it to her. She nodded and he knew she was pitying him, but so was he if he was being honest. "You can go with her. Just stay out of the way. Wait," she stopped him as he started to go, and pulled a rag out of her pocket, "Here. Wipe your hands off."

Jane complied, and then tucked his badge away and climbed into the back of the ambulance. The sight of Lisbon, turned on her side so that the EMTs could bandage the bullet wound, pale, still, vulnerable – almost made him want to leap back out of the vehicle and get as far away as possible. But instead he found a place out of the way of the medics and stood quietly, focusing his gaze on Teresa Lisbon's face. The single most familiar thing in his life, even after being away from her for two years. Sometimes he felt like it was the only thing he completely and absolutely had committed to memory; everything this else either felt trivial, or was something that parts of him didn't want to remember. But not her. Not the way she tilted her face up when she was trying to lie, the way she tucked her chin in when she was caught off guard. The way her face felt when she smiled.

He dropped his face when he felt tears forming in his eyes. _Why were the people closest to him always taken away so brutally,_ He wondered, but the self-pity quickly turned to guilt. _How could he have let this happen?_ Why hadn't he called someone else, called for backup, taken Fischer with him? Why did he have to flaunt his loneliness like a pity party, why couldn't he just suck it up? It was selfish, and he hated himself for it. Lisbon's confession still rung in his ears: she loved him. He guessed he had known that already, but hearing it from her mouth was something else entirely. It should make him happy; after all, she meant everything in the world to him. She was everything he had. But all it did was make him more angry at himself. He didn't deserve it, just like he hadn't deserved his family. Why had he let himself fall so easily, why hadn't he tried harder to stop her from believing he could love her? Why hadn't he pushed her away and convinced her that she was better off without him? It was nothing he wasn't capable of, and it was true. Maybe it would have hurt, but it couldn't hold a candle to the pain he felt now – the pain he would feel if he lost her. He had been selfish to involve her in his life, and even more so to draw her back into this when she had been perfectly content in Washington. What ever made him think he might be enough for her?

The thoughts and questions flooded against Jane's chest like water against a dam, until it threatened to crush him with the weight of it. He made the silent decision to never speak of what Lisbon had told him, even when – (a quiet _if _made itself known in the back of his mind and he felt his gut twist) – she came to. He knew she would never have the courage to bring it back up on her own. She would settle down with Pike and everything would be as it should, for both of them. Lisbon happy and loved, himself alone, but safe. He took a deep inhale and lifted his head back up. The ambulance had been moving now for some time, fast, blaring, jarring, but he stayed fast to his spot. Lisbon was on her back and he thought she looked even more vulnerable and still. Her shirt her been removed so she was covered only by a sheet, with her palms face up by her sides. She looked like a corpse and Jane tried to find something else to rest his eyes on.

It wasn't hard because it was only a moment before the ambulance pulled up to the hospital. Everything moved very fast from there, Lisbon was rolled out of the vehicle and people were shouting instructions that sounded like a foreign language to Jane. He tried to follow them into the building but someone held him back.

"They'll take care of her," The blonde EMT was looking at him with a concerned expression. He shot a glance after Lisbon's entourage as it disappeared into the hospital, but he didn't make another attempt to follow them.

"Is she going to be okay?" He blurted out before he could stop himself.

"I don't know." Was the quiet answer, "Go in that door, down the hallway and to your left. That's the inner waiting room. You can stay there until she's out of surgery."

Jane followed her directions, and found himself in a quiet rectangular room, brightly lit, carpeted, and lined with not entirely comfortable looking chairs and loveseats. Some other people were waiting as well, some of them looked anxious and others looked calm. Jane figured that despite his best efforts he must look little more than a ghost because everyone shot him pitying glances when he came in. He settled down in a corner chair and waited, trying not to drown in his thoughts. It proved a hard thing to do, but it got significantly harder after a moment or two when he was joined by none other than Marcus Pike. He sat down a seat away from Jane and said nothing for a moment.

Then, "She'll be fine." Jane didn't respond, and they sat silently. As much as he tried to hate Pike, all he could do was wish he had never interrupted their date. It was an hour before a middle-aged, fairly chipper doctor called out from the arched entrance.

"Who here is waiting on Miss Teresa Lisbon?"

"Me," Jane and Pike stood up simultaneously.

He looked between the two of them, and then flipped through the pages on his clipboard, "One of you is Patrick Jane?"

"Me," Jane repeated softly, and Pike looked at him, and then sat down.

The man smiled at him, "I'm Dr. White. Miss Lisbon has you listed as her medical proxy. I just wanted to let you know she's in surgery. Everything is going well, she should be out in a couple hours. You're welcome to stay or feel free to go home and get some rest."

"Thank you," Jane breathed, and sat back down. Pike shifted a little and shot a glance at him but didn't get up.

"I'll let you know when she gets out of surgery," Dr. White nodded and headed back out of the room. Jane settled back into his chair, feeling relieved. _Everything is going well_. He closed his eyes and breathed a low sigh, she would be fine. It was only five in the afternoon now, but he felt so emotionally drained that he couldn't fight the sleepiness that was settling in. Thoughts of Lisbon and her smile broke through the image of her pale and lifeless in the back of the ambulance. A smile he _would _get to see again, he decided, even if it was at Pike's doing and not his. It sent a upset feeling to the pit of his stomach, but it was going to be enough. That was his last thought before he drifted off lightly.

Marcus, on the other hand, was fully awake. He frowned at Jane, whose breathing had slowed and leveled out. _Sleeping_. He wanted that luxury, but he had a job and he had things to take care of. He had been there when Teresa was shot, and he cared about her, but it didn't make any sense to stay. Besides, Dr. White said it would be a few hours before she was out of surgery, he could be back by then. He looked over at his blonde companion, whose head was resting on the wall.

"Jane," he said. There was no response, so he repeated himself a little louder, "Jane?" Still no answer. Pike glanced from him and to the door, and back again. Then with a sigh he got up and left.


	3. Break

**Disclaimer: Not mine.**

**A/N: Two chapters today, I've just been whipping through this! This chapter is the first of the Jane and Lisbon conflict but it's a lot of angsty and not a lot of angry (yet).**

* * *

When Jane woke up, his first thought was alarm that had slept through something important. But a quick glance at the clock told him he had only dozed off for an hour; he still had a while before Lisbon was out of surgery. Pike was also gone now, and he figured he probably had been for a while. After all, he and Lisbon had only be dating a few weeks. He couldn't be expected to sit around for hours when he could simply come back at a better time.

Jane stretched and found himself to be sore, among other things; it was past 6PM now and he was hungry and thirsty and needed to use the bathroom a great deal. He lifted himself out of the chair and located the restrooms, just a couple yards down the hallway. He stopped to drink from the water fountain before entering the small, sterile one room bathroom. It was starkly quiet inside, other than the soft hum of the fan. He glanced in the mirror at his own pale, tired face, and felt ashamed. Was this really sucking it up? Because it felt like he was still just wallowing in self-pity. He relieved himself and then washed his hands thoroughly, cleaning off whatever of Lisbon's blood still remained on them. He splashed water on his face and took a minute to just stand, quietly, trying to grapple with... well, everything. He was falling apart and it wasn't part of any grander plan. It was a while before he felt centered enough to leave, and when he did he ran straight into Dr. White.

"Mr. Jane! I was wondering where you were."

Jane's heart jumped in alarm, "Is Lisbon okay?"

The man nodded, "Yes, yes! Great, actually, we finished earlier than we expected. She's a little groggy but awake, if you want to come visit her."

_Visit her_. All the resolve Jane had just gained washed away. He was going to have to face her. He wanted to run away, get away from her because all her _really _wanted to do was take her in his arms and never let her go. But he couldn't do that. He had to leave her be. Dr. White tilted his head at him questioningly. "Yes, of course," Jane replied quietly, "Lead the way."

* * *

Lisbon was staring at the ceiling quietly when Jane poked his head into her room. She tried to smile at him, which wasn't so hard except that he appeared to be making no effort to conceal the pain and concern that was painted on his face. Just knowing she was the reason made it hard for her to breathe (much less smile). He paused for a moment and then in one breath he was at her side, wrapping his arms gently around her shoulders. She placed a hand on his upper back and buried her face in his neck.

"Please don't ever do that again," He murmured, giving her a final squeeze before pulling away and resting against the side of the hospital bed, silently chastising himself for his immediate abandonment of his resolution to distance himself from her. That would have to start now.

She tried to put on a casual, apologetic smile but it still wasn't really coming to her, "I'm sorry, Jane. I should have been there sooner." He shrugged and started to say something but she interrupted, "I'm your partner, and I haven't been acting like it. From now on, it's you and me. Understand?"

He nodded and didn't try to speak again, but he remained serious and it made Lisbon nervous.

She took a deep breath. "Did you, you know... hear me?" She asked sheepishly.

"Just now?" Was his innocent reply.

"No, I mean, at the house. Before I blacked out," She was being much braver than she had expected herself to be, even though it took holding her breath to do it.

Jane nodded but appeared to know nothing of what she was really talking about, "You said you were sorry. I don't blame you, you know. It was my fault really. I shouldn't have gone alone," He wasn't exactly lying, he supposed.

"Yeah, I guess." She took a shaky breath and glanced around. "I-" she started, but suddenly everything she wanted to say seemed out of reach. She clenched her fists and tried not to look uncomfortable, searching desperately for what to say. Everything told her she was going to lose this chance; that they would be interrupted, that he would leave. But he waited quietly and stared at his hands in thought. Finally, with a deep breath, she unclenched her fist and took one of his hands. He looked over at her and focused a little. She wanted to tell him she wanted him, needed him, loved him; but the words wouldn't come so she just closed her eyes and held onto his hand like it was her lifeline. There was only one thing to say, and she just had to do it. She had to believe she could. She took a deep breath and it felt like she was standing on the edge of a cliff, all it would take was one jump and she would be falling. She opened her mouth.

"I-" She started again, then made the mistake of opening her eyes to Jane's face – serious, sad, and afraid, "-'m sorry." She finished lamely. He nodded stiffly. She wanted him to push her hair away like he had when she'd woken up after Red John had gotten her, she wanted him to hold her. But he didn't. His eyes looked angry, but not at her. At himself she supposed. She wanted him to understand that it wasn't his fault, but she didn't know what to say.

He studied her for a second, and looked more broken than she had seen him since he had been back, "I know. And I'm sorry I dragged you down here to Texas. It wasn't right of me."

She smiled and tried to ease the tension, "Since when have you been admitting your mistakes?" The moment the teasing words left her lips was the moment she regretted them. If Jane hadn't looked like a kicked puppy before, he certainly did now. "I didn't mean-" She started. What was happening right now? Why was he acting like this? She needed him! It made anger bubble up in her chest, couldn't he see how this goddamn self-pity wasn't helping anyone?

"It's okay, Lisbon. You know, I think Pike is going to be here soon," He said breezily, but he couldn't hide the bitterness in his voice from her. He let go of her hand and started to leave.

"Jane, wait! Where are you going?" The anger mixed with panic. Was this it? Was she finally losing him? Why hadn't he just heard her tell him she loved him?

"Oh, just work," he said casually, and kept walking.

"Stop," She breathed, and she almost thought he did, but at that very moment there was a knock on the door.

Marcus poked his head in, "Hi, am I interrupting?"

"No, no," Jane smiled at him, "I was just leaving."

Lisbon felt the final jolt of panic fade away as she closed her eyes in defeat. _What had just happened? How did it go so horribly wrong?_

"I brought you pancakes," She opened her eyes to Pike's smiling face, and it should have cheered her up, but all she felt was sick and revolted. "Since we didn't get to finish lunch."

Outside the room, Jane walked back down the hallway and he didn't feel any better than when he went in. He felt much worse, actually. He remembered the tone of Lisbon's voice when she asked him to stop, to stay, and it felt like his heart was being torn from his chest. How could he cause her that pain, and just walk away? She was his friend, and if she needed him who was he to leave her? He kicked himself internally for it, but then again, he thought, she wasn't alone anymore. She had someone, someone reliable and safe who could be there for her. And it was different between them now, Lisbon _didn't_ need him anymore, nor did she want him. She had said it herself on the plane a few months ago. So when he considered turning back, because with each step away from her his chest hurt a little more, he couldn't. He kept walking until he was outside, then hailing a cab, and then finally back at the Airstream.

Then with what felt like one enormous exhale, he let the weight on his heart consume him, knowing full well that he had sworn off the only person who could quell it. Despite everything that had just happened, he couldn't clear the image of her smile out of his mind. Frankly, he wasn't sure if it was better to remember it or forget it, he wasn't even sure that shutting her out was the best option anymore. He guessed he had all but burned that bridge, though. But all he really knew was he was alone.

* * *

**A/N: So this story is officially going to be 4 chapters longs, just one more! It'll be out tomorrow, hopefully, or maybe Wednesday. I'm also going to do it in tandem with an independently published M-rated epilogue. There'll be more info on that in the A/N next chapter :)**


	4. Crash

**Disclaimer: I do not own The Mentalist.**

**A/N: Hope I did it justice!**

* * *

"Are you sure you don't want me to stay?" Marcus asked, and tried to look playful. But even he was fading. The hospital had discharge her just a day after her surgery; apparently it wasn't that serious. Jane hadn't been back to see her so Marcus had driven her home.

Lisbon furrowed her brow, "No thanks. I want to be alone."

He sighed and turned to leave. Then he turned back around. The play was gone from his face and replaced with seriousness, "Look, Teresa. You're a beautiful, wonderful woman. But I need to know now, are we ever going to work out?"

She looked at him and felt a twinge of sadness, "I don't think so."

He nodded, and turned back to the door, "Goodbye, Teresa."

Once he was gone Lisbon heaved a relieved sigh, admittedly. He was supposed to make things easier, not more complicated. He was a nice man, but he deserved better than the wreckage she brought to the table.

She crumpled down on the couch. Her back hurt, her insides hurt, her head and heart hurt. Everything hurt. She thought of Jane and things hurt even more. What was wrong with him? Why was he shutting her out, just when they had gotten so close? She didn't know where there decision sprang from, but before she knew it she had grabbed her keys and headed out the door. She wanted to confront him about how he was acting. She still needed to get the truth off her chest. She had to stop living like this. _Something had to give_, and the drive to where his big silver bucket was parked only convinced her more of it.

With a deep breath, she eased herself out of her car and walked up to the door, knocking on it a little more forcefully than she had intended. Jane looked surprised to see her, but she didn't leave him time to say anything.

"We need to talk."

Jane's heart was about to pound right out of his chest. He hadn't expected her to show up. But she was here, and as drained as she look, he could see the determination in her eyes. Nothing was going to stop her from saying what she needed to say. He swallowed and let her in, "Do you want some tea?"

She ignored his question, "What's going on Jane?"

"Well," he started carefully, "I was just planning to make some tea-"

For once, she wasn't amused, "You're shutting me out. Stop it."

"I'm not-"

"_Stop it_. Tell me the truth," She crossed her arms like it forced him to get serious. It didn't have to, but it did.

He felt himself growing more frustrated, "The truth about what?" Why did she have to push?

"About _everything_, Jane. Why are you upset with me?"

"I'm not upset with you."

She took a step towards him and hissed, "Bullshit."

"_I'm not upset with you_," He repeated. Everything felt like it was flying out in the air now. Everything rode on this fight. He needed her to know it was nothing to do with her.

"Then why did you leave me in the hospital like that?"

"Pike was visiting you," he tried to answer, but he knew she didn't buy it.

"I asked you to stay," She countered. He looked away, clearly distressed. "I needed you, Jane."

His eyes snapped back to her, and he said with startling force, "Did you, really?"

"_Yes_!" She replied with equal power, even though his directness made her want to run away. She couldn't afford to lose him. "You're my partner!"

His voice was low and intense. She could tell all his focus was on this fight now, "Am I? Because I don't feel like it. And you said yourself, on the plane, that you didn't want to work with me."

She stared at him, shocked for a second he was even bringing that up, "Wh- Jane, I was upset! You ran away from me, I had barely even gotten you back!" Her voice cracked a little more than she meant it to, "That didn't mean I never wanted to work with you again."

He shook his head. He wasn't one for bringing old fights back up but he couldn't get it out of his mind, "You were right, you know. I'm not considerate of you. So, you know, why did you even bother coming back?"

His last words stung but she pressed forward, "I'm _used _to you calling me out of the blue for help, Jane. I'm used to you wrecking my schedule with your crazy plans. I don't mind it. Hell, I even _like _it a little. What I'm _not_ used to is you shutting me out, and leaving me behind." He stared at the ground quietly. "But you know, if you want me to leave, then fine. I will."

His looked back up at her, "Don't make this my fault." He was grasping at straws now and he knew it, but he didn't have the courage to say anything else and he couldn't let her leave.

"Really?!"

"I'm not the only one who's hiding, Lisbon,"

"I'm _trying_, Jane! Fine, you know what? I'll tell you the truth," She didn't know what motivated her to say it but she was fed up with this back and forth, "You are the most frustrating, annoying, infuriating, challenging man I have ever met. You make me want to rip my hair out sometimes, but..." She trailed off.

"Well that's a good start," He interjected.

"But you're also the most incredible, generous, thoughtful, _extraordinary_ man I've ever met and you try to hide it, god knows why, but I know you. You're all I have. And you're being selfish."

He was silent for a long moment. She was right, he knew. He was being selfish. It was a selfish move to ignore that she loved him simply because he was afraid, and he could barely remember how he convinced himself otherwise. After a while he replied softly, "I know."

Lisbon's heart was pounding but suddenly everything was more quiet. She knew part of Jane had only been putting on this angry front because he was too afraid to open up. She would keep pushing until he did, "So?"

He took a deep breath and looked up at her. He didn't really know when everything had gotten this bad, or where to start fixing it, but he had to try. "I did hear you. At the house. Before you blacked out." She was obviously taken aback, but he persisted, "I didn't tell you, because I was afraid."

"Of what?" She asked finally.

He stared down at the ground. He knew how pitiful it would sound be he couldn't stop himself, "Everyone I care about gets taken away."

She looked at him quietly. Is that why he was shutting her out? Because he was afraid of losing her? "I'm not going anywhere, Jane."

"I almost lost you. I can't- I can't lose you."

"Jane... that's stupid," She fought the desire to hold him. That time would come, but for now they had to keep talking, "Me, Cho, Rigsby and Van Pelt, we're all still here. We're not going anywhere. Pushing us away isn't going to help. Pushing me away," She added quietly.

"I'm sorry, Lisbon," he tried to turn away but she grabbed his arm and pulled him back.

"And besides, do you think I want to lose you either? When you called me and told me you were alone in a the house of a murderous drug lord, how do you think I felt?" Her question left him silent. She sighed, "Jane, I'm scared too. _Believe_ me. But I don't... I'm tired of wasting time."

"You deserve better, Lisbon," that was his last card to play before all bets were off, "You deserve someone who can give you what you need. That Pike guy-"

"We broke up."

He stared at her, "I'm sorry to hear that." Not that sorry, though.

"And don't try to tell me what I deserve, Jane. I don't _deserve _anything. I want _you_," She was shocked she managed to get that last sentence out but she did, and she held Jane's eye contact unwaveringly. His face softened and he reached out slowly, brushing her hair behind her ear. His hand ghosted against her face and she could have drown in that touch. Then he dropped it back to his side and they remained an arms length apart.

"Will you-" He began sheepishly, "Will you say it again?"

She blinked at him, "Say what again? I love you?" He nodded and she stepped forward, placing her hands on his shoulders, curling her face up to his ear. She had to stand on her toes and he rested his own hands on the small of her back. "I love you," she murmured. He pressed his face against her neck and slowly wrapped his arms around her shoulders, drawing her into a tight hug. "What about you?" She added.

"Hmm?" He mumbled into her neck.

"Tell me you love me."

He pulled his head back and placed a soft kiss on her mouth. "I love you," He breathed.

She smiled into his mouth. She felt as though she should say something witty or sexy but all she could come up with was, "Good."

* * *

**A/N: Soooo there it is. While I was writing this I kept coming up with a million different ways I could have taken the story but this is how it came out eventually! I hope it lived up to everyone's expectations satisfactorily, and thank you to everyone who reviewed/faved/followed etc.. You made my first fic in months quite an enjoyable experience :)**

**I've published a separate M-rated epilogue (I want to keep this rated T for those who aren't comfortable with M-rated (sexually explicit in this case) material).**


End file.
